Thursday, March 10, 2005

spectacular field trip

space-age diet

so i recently started this new diet. it was developed by NASA and consists of nothing but freezed dried foods. that's right Astronaut Food.


the only probelm is that now when i go grocery shopping i have to find a museum gift shop.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

i don't want to be an Oscar Meyer Wiener



oh boy! i won a contest and today i actually got to go inside the Oscar Meyer Wienermoblie.

and you know what, it's true. it's filled with nothing but lips, assholes and rat shit.

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okay, okay. that was a super bad joke, but i did see the Wienermoblie today. it makes me wonder, when are they going to come out with the civilian model. i mean we can get a Hummer now. *Zing*

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okay- yes, another shitty joke. but seriously, do you think the Wienermoblie plumps when it gets hot enough outside.

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oh man, i'm sorry. i can't seem to stop. i mean, do you think the driver of the Wienermoblie feels uncomfortable whenever he or she drives the vehicle through a tunnel?

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wait, wait. do you think every time Oscar Meyer has to buy tires for the Wienermoblie, they can only get them in packs of 8.

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oh my god, these are horrorible. but hey people, if Oscar Meyer were to make motorcycle versions of the Wienermoblie, would they be called Cocktail Wienermoblies? and what would the gang be called, the Hell's Franks?

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oh, i have to stop. these are getting really really bad. but hey! under the hood of that there Wienermoblie, you think instead of a Fuel Injection Manifold, it's got a Hot Beef Injection Manifold?

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okay, i'll stop now. but this was fun. it's fun to be lame. thus, i'm opening it up to everyone. comment back with your lamest Wienermoblie joke. i'll actually reward the Wiener with a special prize!

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

to quote the chimney

last night The Pretty Okay Ho-hum Spectacular on Ice! guest hosted Comedy Death Ray.

big deal huh? yeah ...

but, last night i got to introduce to the stage Maria Bamford. i was Babet Clatsu, world reknown performance artist. then later i introduced Bob Odenkirk as the voice of a Dancing Chimney, whose body was played by Danforth France.


but also, there were peanut butter beards, aliens watching comics from the future, the "guess who" game show, Jim Gaffigan, Drew Hastings, Chrissy Haberman, Ian Edwards and the one and only Larry Silverpants, who was very surprised to have his act interrupted by The Dancing Chimney. as it turns out, The Dancing Chimney is that which is the negetive on which rides Larry Silverpants, who is the positive.


to quote the Chimney, "Larry Silverpants, know to look at me, you look into a mirror that reflects back the opposite of you."

Larry Silverpants, "NNOooooooooo!"

it was quite a night.

special thanks to Meredith Jenks for the photos.