Friday, October 29, 2004

woof

at the moment, i work in office with many english people. the company is based out of england, that's why.

now i am like a lot of you in that i find an english accent rather attractive in the opposite sex. today, an attractive women (yes, with an english accent) couldn't get the printer working; thus, she gave it a little wack and it began to work once again. at which point she proclaimed, "no harm ever came from a little spank."

it was probably the sexist thing i had heard in a long while. and i really don't know why. it didn't bring any imagines to mind. get your minds out of the gutter, peoples. it just knocked me back as being quite sexy. at which point i proclaimed under my breathe, "woof!"

man, i think this blog just got a whole lot creepier.

Thursday, October 28, 2004

that epiphany period?

okay. i dunno.

sometimes i think about savannah, georgia. i went to college there. for the most part i didn't really like it there. the humid, pretty little south. always spring. everyone taking their sweet ass time to do this and that. don't get me wrong, it's a really beautiful place with relatively nice people. i just don't fit in there.

and yet, when i think to a time when i was really happy, i think to a moment that spanned a year's time and that moment took place in savannah. the smells of old canvas and dried paint everywhere you went. all your friends living in converted hotel rooms with bunkbeds and drafting tables. every friday and saturday night was a party in the backyard of somebody's house you didn't know. i would often walk to class through an alley with two generators that always turned on when i passed by. the girls who lived above me would often get drunk and invited me up to watch tv with them. there was even a hurricane. i collected action figures and would spend a good chunk of my student loan to get HBO just long enough to watch the new season of Mr. Show. it was a time when i was actually in love.

as much as i might of complained in those days, i really had it good. it was a different time when i was really discovering all about myself and realizing that i had shelved a lot of dreams that really made me whole. it was the time when the passion broke out and i stopped being so damned recuesive and started to just be myself. these were the moments leading up to my first time on stage doing stand-up comedy.

and it isn't the time in my life when i felt i had everything. it was the time of my life after i thought i had it all and just before i lost all that and found the real road that would take me to what i really needed to have it all. what would you call that? that epiphany period?

at any rate, i guess i miss it sometimes. savannah, georgia. and i thought i never would.

Friday, October 22, 2004

cast your vote

for far too long tyrant Gess Haarvester has dictated the hopes and dreams of the good people at the Ramada World Council into a downward spiral to HELL.

his evil ways must END!

his bumbling through office like a wounded elephant has caused more trouble than laughs.


isn't time for a change? isn't it time to make the Wright choice?

this Sunday, cast your vote for Whitmore Oliver White. a man who knows where he stands and whose intentions are nothing but good and driven by the pursuit of Freedom.


paid for by The Committee for the Election of Whitmore Oliver Wright.

>click here to find out how to cast your vote<

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

it's just simple math

i’ve never been punched to death. nor have i ever been to the Netherlands.
leading me to believe that the Netherlands is the most violent place on the face of the earth.

it’s just simple math.

amen.

Friday, October 15, 2004

the story behind "time for tea (a true story)"

so you’ve probably seen the pictures below. but here’s the story behind the story, time for tea (a true story).

dave and i got to London and really didn’t know where we were going. we talked to a subway information desk and hopped on a train. luckily we were able to find an appropriate stop close to where we pretty much thought was our first hotel. after a little bit of searching from the subway stop, we found The Montague. a very nice 4 star hotel/bed and breakfast. it became clear after just a few moments there that dave and i were the only guests who hadn’t ever had to deal with a polio scare.

every morning that we were there we had a chance of a free English Breakfast and boy howdy did we take advantage. i believe it was the only times in our lives that we got up early just for breakfast. we were quite poor and felt that these morning meals might be all that we would eat during the day and for the most part they were.

before we did anything we discovered the horrible exchange rate. it was pretty much 2 American dollars to every English pound note. this wouldn’t of been so bad, except most things were priced as if the pound were equal to the dollar. yeah, a soda in the states is about 1 dollar. a soda in the UK is about 1 pound, or 2 dollars. needless the say dave and i found ourselves more poor than we thought we were.

but above all that, we were in London and we had never been before; thus, we decided to just explore without the use of a map. not the best idea. we did in fact get lost numerous times. and with the underground stopping at midnight, we found ourselves walking aimlessly around London late into the wee hours of the morning. we always managed to find our way home, either by help of a lost Frenchman with a map, or just dumb luck.

that first night there, i had that booked comedy gig. it was way out in the northern part of London and dave and i had to take two underground trains to an above ground train to get there. But we made it and as soon as i walked in the door, brett vincent of Gagged and Bound Comedy was there to greet me. i was on the line up for second and it was according to the rest of the comics there, a small crowd. about 35 to 45 people by my count. hardly small when compared to the crowds at Vida or your standard LA open mike.
still, it seemed to go alright. well, at first, i went out there and started doing my thing and i could feel the audience. they were confused and taken back a bit. i don’t think they knew just what to make of me. but as i start to get a feel for the audience, i think they started to loosen up and realize that this jackass American was just having fun up there. no lofty concepts or political high brows ideas. just wackiness, pure and simple. by the end, they were laughing and when i did “Adolf’s Tut”, i think they finally got what it was all about. they clapped and laughed as i left the stage. the English comedians there told me that a crowd like this tends to be quite aggressive and heckle mad. if fact they were quite surprised i didn’t get heckled at all seeing how they were all getting heckled. so i guess i did pretty well. the rest of the night was me discussing with the English boys the difference between the American and English comedy scenes. all in all, it was quite the enlightening experience.

Dave and i saw many sights. and like i said without a map, we were lucky enough to just stumble upon them. Parliament, Piccadilly Circus, Westminster Abbey, Buckingham Palace, The London Tower Bridge, etc.
the one thing we had trouble with was Big Ben. we found it that first day of exploring, but it didn’t look right to me. so i asked dave if that was Big Ben. dave didn’t think it was, because “it’s flat on the top, isn’t it?” we dismissed it as not being Big Ben. i took a random picture of Dave and the mysterious clock tower, only to find out just before we left that it was in fact Big Ben. before that we were on a constant lookout for this clock tower we had already seen. “Where is Big Ben?”

we also went of some of the main tourist traps. Madam Tusssuads Wax Museum, among the countless other museums. although, i never made it to the British Art Museum and for that i am upset with myself. but, what can you do with four days in London and no knowledge of the city at all. i’ll have to go back.

the days were cold and the nights were colder. i bought a scarf and with my little lack of funds, that’s pretty much all i bought.

before we left we did do one very, very unique thing. we saw Jerry Springer: The Opera. yes, i’m not lying and it was really, really fantastic. it very much so treaded itself along the lines of a classic opera, but with this pop culture, modern theme. it was quite the spectacle and so funny. we were told that they are trying to get it to Broadway and the states. first stop San Francisco. should be there in a few months, said the word on the street. if you have chance to see it and aren’t easily offended, you really should check it out. bizarre? yes. wonderful? hell yes. wink.

after that we were pretty much out of time, and had to head back across the pond. i wish i had five more days, because i was just starting to get comfortable and settled into the London grove. oh well. like i said, i’ll have to go back for more.

thanks for all the great times, London.

squeezes,
chad fogland


*check out ALL the photos below!

Thursday, October 14, 2004

time for tea (a true story)

and now for a little story from London, UK:

there were once two boys from america.
chad


and dave


they won a FREE trip to London, England. thus, they went.



chad got himself a stand-up gig. dave got himself bitten by a wild dog.


chad did his performance. it was weird, but at least no one heckled and by the end, they were laughing. "that wacky american. he's right silly, he is."



dave turned into a werewolf and eat some english people.



the next day, chad and dave saw the Westminster Abbey.



time for tea.


then dave and chad see Paraliment.


and then the two americans happen upon an english horse show or something.


"oh no! look out, chad!"


"huh?" SFX: squisssh. "oh."


"egads, that's rightfully bad!"


well, it's getting late. back on the tube for quick return to the hotel.




oh no, another full moon. another decapitation.


the next day, the boys go on search of more sites of London. dave finds a familuar face.


but where's that flipping Big Ben?!


"never mind that stupid clock, look i found Buckingham Palace."


they act fast and get thier picture taken with it. ut-oh, maybe a little too fast.


another one is taken. "man, that's one crazy White House!"


time for tea.


whoa! chad is magically transported back in time. "hello, king louie."


dave askes some friendly bobbies if they can help him find his friend. "no."


luckily the boys find each other in a museam!


time for tea.


that night there is no full moom, so dave and chad go and see the Tower of London Bridge.


the next day, dave wakes up to some surprising news.


chad starts off the day by drinking a pint and smoking a cigar.


dave eats his fish and chips. "newspapers can be wrong, right?" "dunno."


the guys wonder around London aimlessly. "we don't need a map."


"where are we?" a question commanly asked.


nevermind that, it's tea time!


that night, the boys take in some culture and see Jerry Springer: The Opera.


one last tea time!


and with that...

dave joined the bobbies.


and chad was murdered by hitler.


the end.

thank you Scream Play.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

kind of good to be home

whoop, whoop.

i'm back from the UK. the trip was way too short and i am way too tired at the moment.

i just got back yesterday and this morning i had to start my new job- which by the way is turning out to be rather shitty.

i'd like to tell you all about London, but that will have to wait. now, now- settle down you kids. as soon as i get the pictures delevopled, then we'll have a little slide show presentation with somewhat witty commentary.

i think i'm going to go to my car and sleep for my lunchbreak.

kind of good to be home,
chad fogland

Saturday, October 09, 2004

cups and cakes

hey gang. i'm here in London.

it's pretty damn cool. last night i performed for an actual english audience. it went pretty well. i mean as well as i expected. the crowd was a little thrown off by what this goofy little american was doing on stage, but i got some laughs and by the end, they were enjoying themselves.

the other english comedians told me they enjoyed it and were impressed i did as well as i did. apparently these english audiences are known for being quite loud and obnoxious towards comics. heckling is pretty well known in these here parts. so, that was good. i didn't get heckled.

today i saw Parliment Square and that there Westminster Abbey. pretty neat. i gots lots oh pictures, so no worries, you'll get to see them as well.

well, i'm at some internet cafe here in Piccadilly and it's costing me, so i best get back to my exploring. i'll try to write before i leave about more of my adventures.

oh yeah- check this out: £ £ £ £ £ £. these here computers let you type the pound note sign!

simple pleasures, simple minds, i guess.

cups and cakes,
chad fogland

Thursday, October 07, 2004

just 30 minutes

i'm at the airport and in just 30 minutes i'll be boarding the plane to London!

isn't technology swell!

talk to you nobodies when i get to the UK.

love and cake,
chad fogland

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

"Chad Fogland (US)"

oh me oh my! it's just 2 days until david johnson and i leave on a jet plane bound for Great Britain. dave and i have never been before, so it shall be quite the experience. i am ever so excited. plus, let's not forget this:

The Fox - 413 Green Lanes, Palmers Green, London N13
doors open at 8:15pm, show starts at 9:15pm

yes sir, The Fox. where i'll be performing my silly little comedy crap, thanks to brett vincent and the fine people at Bound and Gagged Comedy. check out their site and click on comedy clubs. click on the "club listings" and scroll down to october 8th. "Chad Fogland (US)"

pretty snazzy.

henceforth; if you're in england, or know people in england, come on down or tell them to come on down and check out the plucky little kid from worms, nebraska, usa. then we can all hang out and get a pint, smoke some fags, get bitten by rapid dogs ...and then just be american werewolves in london. ha-zaw!