Land of Fog

Why I <3 Action Movies

2009-09-08T12:12:00.000-07:00

Scenes like these make action movies a pure joy!

SPOILER ALERT: This is the ending scene to "Nighthawks"

Ski School 2 saved my life!

2009-08-10T08:22:00.001-07:00

Last night Ron Babcock and I were guests on the popular podcast "Jordon Jesse GO!" with Jordon Morris. Netflix Instant view was discussed as well as the film "Ski School 2" which can be viewed via Netflix Instant. The podcast is not up on the web as of yet, but will be soon. At any rate, I made the following challenge to the listeners and am making the same challenge to anyone who reads this note/blog posting:
Go to Netflix and give "Ski School 2" 5 Stars, then write a glorious review praising the film in any manner you wish and let's get "Ski School 2" to be one of the most popular and highest rated movies on Netflix! Much like the "Wolf T-shirt" on Amazon, yes!

The following is the review I just left along with the 5 Star rating for "Ski School 2":

"I was at the point where my life felt worthless. My dead end job was waring me thin to null. My girlfriend dumped and started dating my so-called best friend. My dog ran away, but it felt more like, he just didn't want to be with me anymore. My family was so caught up in my sister's new twins that I was nothing more than a fading memory. Let's just state the obvious, my life was complete shit and I couldn't take it anymore.

I had just finished typing out my suicide note and I was literally standing on my sofa with my neck in a noose, when my foot slipped, knocking my lap top, bringing up "Ski School 2" on Netflix. The movie started and I found myself laughing and slowing climbing down from my extension cord noose.

When the movie had ended, there was a scratch at the door. It was my dog with a very attractive woman, who introduced herself as French Lingerie model, Jasmine. I quoted some lines from "Ski School 2" and before I knew it, Jasmine and I were in the throws of a passionate evening of love making. The next day, I walked into work and changed the desktop to my computer to that of the "Ski School 2" movie poster, which caught the eye of a passing CEO, who also loved the movie and give me a promotion right there on the spot!

That was two weeks ago and right now I am happily married to Jasmine, the vice president of a major corporation and the father of two wonderful kids! Oh and my dog? He's great, makes me breakfast every morning. I owe it all to "Ski School 2"!"

Lone Wolf in The Independent Television Festival!

2009-07-02T15:46:00.000-07:00

"The Lone Wolf", will be on the BIG SCREEN as apart of the Independent Television Festival- July, 30th- Aug. 6th in Los Angeles at the Laemmle's Sunset 5.

Gems of LA

2009-05-14T20:29:00.001-07:00

Things I have noticed since going to The Gym!

2009-05-14T20:06:00.000-07:00

I joined 24 Hour Fitness a little over a month ago and thusfar have been "working out" as they say at least three times a week. The Gym is an interesting place and a place unlike I have been in some time. Not since highs school have I been in a Men's Locker Room or even attempted to lift a weight. At first, I thought I was going to throw up- I was so sore and exhausted. I literally said, "I just got back from the gym and boy I my EVERYTHING tired!"

But as the work outs continued, I learned how machines worked and how exercising is most effective. I started to really enjoy the feeling after a good work out. Now, I'm no Adonis, but I started to notice the more I exercised the more confident I was, the less stressed I was, the less worried about the stupid little things in my life I was. It was a great feeling and I started walking with my head up high, with better posture- I felt like an Adonis in training!

It is a weird feeling. I do sort of stick out at the gym in my Nebraska gym shorts, old t-shirts, white sweat socks, wearing my glasses with a headband to help keep the sweat out of my eyes and also hold on my glasses. But I get by, tuning out and listening to my iPod as I use the machines- "3 sets of each exercise", my personal trainer tells me. "That's the only way to get results." Of course now a days, I spend 2/3rds of my gym time without my trainer as I am finally able to work out on my own having learned what to do to get the results I desire. Its a great feeling and as video game junkie I never thought I'd say this, but I would highly recommend joining a gym and working out at least twice a week.

If you do, here's a few things I have notice since going to The Gym.

There's nothing like the sound of an iPod falling to the floor as someone accidently drops it while running o the treadmill.

It seems that the older one is, the more comfortable he is with his nudity. I'm talking about the locker room here. I dunno about the ladies locker room, but in the men's there's a lot of full frontal going on and for periods longer then they should be. I am thankful I have such poor eyesight, I just remove my glasses and take care of my own dressing- Blurry pink blobs are much better than old wrinkly sexual organs.

If you like CNN or "Everybody Loves Raymond", then you'll love running on the treadmills.

And finally, pardon the dog in me, but the most attractive women in the world are the ones that are physically fit. Woof!

The Complete "Lone Wolf" Web Series!

2009-05-06T08:13:00.000-07:00

Enjoy!

Sam Elliot stops the Jet

2009-04-20T15:09:00.001-07:00

If you think Sam Elliot is a pussy, think again!

A Small Compilation of Work

2009-03-20T08:31:00.000-07:00

Chad Fogland Talent Reel from Principato Young on Vimeo.

Edited by Ron Babcock: http://www.ronbabcock.com/

News Back Home

2009-03-16T01:44:00.001-07:00

Back in my home town of Grand Island, Nebraska, the local newspaper reports controversy and excitement!

Popeye Movie Soundtrack

2009-03-09T11:27:00.000-07:00

Kind of the best thing to download! Harry Nilsson at his best!

Download can be found here:
http://www.cinefilevideo.com/2007/04/17/movie-music-archives-022-popeye/

Flight Simulators Feel So Good

2009-03-08T22:39:00.000-07:00

I don't know why, but I kind of love this:

New Piggy Bank Technology Creeps Me Out

2009-03-04T08:03:00.000-08:00

The State of Piggy Banks has gone from cool to creepy!

Like many people, I loved John Ratzenberger's Hamm the Piggy Bank from the Toy Story Movies, but as a child, I always wanted a cooler way to store my change, than just a porcelain pig. I was so happy to find the following at the age of 12:

It was super cool! A creepy little hand crept out and snatched up my coins. My sister even got Robbie the Coin Eating Robot:

He was cool, but kinda too cute for me. However, it would seem that Coin Eating Robot technology has improved and the result is rather creepy.

Hair Cut

2009-03-02T21:12:00.001-08:00

Before

After

Kittens inspired by Kittens

2009-02-20T08:44:00.001-08:00

Save The Snake Charmer!

2009-02-17T21:48:00.000-08:00

Some 1,000 snake charmers have staged a rally in eastern India, protesting against a law that has made their profession illegal.
Playing their flutes, they marched in the city of Calcutta, demanding the right to perform with live snakes.

More here:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/7896028.stm

Lone Wolf 8: The Student Has Become the Wolf Pt. 2

2009-02-10T19:49:00.000-08:00

In the Season Finale, Mothball proves he has become a hero too when villains interrupt his wedding and The Lone Wolf must let go.

Guest Starring: Jamie Silberhartz, Ron Lynch, Spencer Brown, David Mendenhall, Johnny Pemberton, Erin McGathy, Eric Filipkowski, Corey Podell and Don "Hollywood" Yates!

Featuring: TJ Roe, Denver Smith, Bess Houston, Patrick Harris, James Ross, Lesley Tsina, Maggie McCrystal and Matt Belanger.

FREE Miami Vice Desktop!

2009-02-09T22:50:00.000-08:00

Hello! So recently I watched every episode of Miami Vice on Hulu. I love Hulu! They have seasons 1 through 4. And yes, I did in fact watch all of them.

I started to take screen grabs of the moments when Sonny Crockett has a gun pointed at someone and the camera is focused on him. I choose the very best ones and made what you see below. A 5 x 5 grid of 25 of the best Sonny Crockett gun screen grabs! I figure one could always use new art for one's desktop and thus, my gift to you!

When Chad met Sally, Sally and "Sally"

2009-02-09T22:24:00.000-08:00

After class yesterday, I totally intended on going out for a just one or two drinks with some of my fellow classmates, but what was suppose to be an early evening, turned into a late night of whiskey, accents and hot dogs.

After a second round of drinks, most of my classmates took off. Tom stayed and we decided to have one more drink. The Gramys were on one of the TVs at the bar. And during this "last drink", a girl with an Australian accent leaned over and asked if I knew who it was singing with Justin Timberlake. I did not know. Tom joined in and we soon met her and her friends. Sally was her name and so was her friend from the UK. Sally and Sally. Their male friend was Adam also from across the pond. I quickly nicknamed him, Sally. One more round of drinks turned into three and then four. We talked about many things and much fun was had! Later we went to Pinks for some gross hot dogs. After that, it was pretty late, so I went on my merry way, but only after the promise to hang out again.

It made me miss when I was in London. I had a great time there learning about the culture and meeting new and interesting people. Sally, Sally and "Sally" are super cool and hip and I look forward to hanging out with me new mates very soon.

Lone Wolf Ep. 7: The Student Has Become the Wolf Pt. 1

2009-02-04T07:55:00.000-08:00

Mothball finds love, while The Lone Wolf finds heartbreak in this exciting Part One of the Grand Finale of Season One!

Guest Starring: Jamie Silberhartz, Ron Lynch, DeMorge Brown, Craig Anstett and David Mendenhall

Best Super Bowl Ever!

2009-02-02T07:50:00.000-08:00

Extra, Extra!

2009-02-01T14:37:00.000-08:00

According to today's edition of "The Love Street Times", Love is in the Air!

"New study indicates that Love has been found in the air"

How perfect seeing how this month is Valentine's Day! Happy February, everyone.

Gasp! It finally happened!

2009-01-29T13:10:00.000-08:00

http://www.kxan.com/dpp/news/Road_signs_warn_of_zombies

Lone Wolf Ep. 6 : Once You Go Wolf, You Never Go Back

2009-01-27T13:03:00.000-08:00

Tab Wilson drowns his sorrows after letting The Lone Wolf get away.

Guest Starring: Andie Bolt, Josh Fadem, Davey Johnson & Harrison Brown

Lone Wolf Ep. 5 : This is Your Brain on Wolf

2009-01-27T13:02:00.000-08:00

A Very Special "Lone Wolf": The Lone Wolf stops Mothball from doing drugs!

Guest Starring: Matt Manser, Erin McGathy & Jeff Sloniker

Featuring: Brandon Burkhart, Aaron Albertstein & Ron Babcock

Getting Optically Illusional

2009-01-27T12:44:00.000-08:00

Next TUESDAY, February 3rd, please come to my show!

The Optically Illusional Chad Fogland

CHAD FOGLAND presents a whirlwind adventure through mind and space featuring singing, dancing, love, mystery, old west gun battles and lots of pants!

This is the LAST SHOW for the Winter and maybe for all time?!?!

Opening Act: Andy Forsburg from Nebraska

Written by and Starring: Chad Fogland

Featuring: Amanda Sitko, Ryan Perez, Curtis Rainsberry, Joe Hartzler, Emily Maya Mills & Nathan Barnatt

Surprise GUESTS!

Directed by: Ron Lynch

Original Music by Brian Demski

Tuesday February 3rd -- 8PM
The Steve Allen Theater
4773 Hollywood Blvd.

http://www.steveallentheater.com/fogland

Gift from The East

2009-01-22T13:01:00.000-08:00

A NEW Toy out of Japan! Thanks to Kevin Pedersen for this!

See more here: http://gamu-toys.info/sonota/sw/obama/obama.html

Lone Wolf Ep. 4 : The Boy Who Cried Wolf

2009-01-20T13:45:00.000-08:00

The Lone Wolf and Mothball take jobs at an orphanage which needs saving from foreclosure.

Guest Starring: Artemis Pebdani, Johnny Pemberton and Matt Braunger!

Featuring Danforth France and Nic Wegener.

My Best Wishes to Obama & the USA

2009-01-20T07:47:00.000-08:00

I am very happy to have our new president. Things in our country are pretty rough and its not going to be anytime soon that things get 100% better, but I have more faith in Obama than I have had in many of the presidents during my short time here on earth.

All my best wishes to Obama and the future of The United States. You are my favorite!

And now, what better way to celebrate than with a classic, Celebration Song

and the Lyrics, just in case you're curious!

Hotel Rwanda for Dogs

2009-01-19T07:50:00.000-08:00

I was so happy to hear that Don Cheadle is in the new hit movie, "Hotel for Dogs" because that can only mean one thing! ... A sequel entitled "Hotel Rwanda for Dogs"!

Lone Wolf Suspected of working on the internet as a Mild -Mannered Web Series!

2009-01-15T23:04:00.000-08:00

Bennie Arthur created a web series called "The Lone Wolf". He was commissioned to make a full series for it and thus, he did so. I play Tab Wilson, the investigative reporter hot on Lone Wolf's trail. But as we made the episodes, I found myself co-writing, co-producing and directing as well! Very exciting!

Well, the time has come and "The Lone Wolf" web series has arrived! Below are the first three episodes on YouTube, but one can also find Lone Wolf on Break, Myspace, Daily Motion and VERY SOON Hulu!

NEW Episodes every Tuesday and Thursday!

I hope you enjoy them as much as Bennie and I did making them.

2009-01-14T22:51:00.000-08:00

In addition to sending me what Xmas gifts I couldn't fit in my bag when I left to come back to LA, my parents added the following. Yes, it IS a book with full color pictures and a DVD!

In a matter of weeks, I'll be able to help any cat suffering from following:

Abrasions

Allergies

Birthing Emergencies (Dystocia)

Bone Dislocation

Broken Back/Neck

Burns

Car Accident

Choking

Dehydration

Electric Shock (ie: Electric Cord Bites)

Fading Kitten Syndrome

Fever

Fishhook Injuries

Frostbite

Gunshot Wounds

Nosebleeds

Poisoning

Rectal Prolapse

Smoke Inhalation

Strangulation

Tail Swelling/Injury

Venomous Bites and Sting (ie: Snakes, Scorpions and Toads)

and the ever popular Anal Sac Swelling

Yes sir! I'll be a Kitty Mother, Jugs and Speed!

Well, I got 120 pages to read and a DVD to watch. I wish I was kidding, but I seriously want to be certified in Cat First Aid and CPR. And just think, it will look great on a resume!

Happy Jan 13th!

2009-01-13T19:06:00.000-08:00

Picture Pages

2009-01-11T23:15:00.002-08:00

This is your world at the start of 2009!

With the long awaited release of their newest album, the piece of crap, "Chinese Democracy", I find a very fitting example of the career of Guns N' Roses today: an old junked pinball machine from the early 90's on the side of the road in Hollywood. Perfect!

With all the problems our country faces in the years to come, its good to know we are smart and can prosper. Yes, with the upcoming swearing in of our first black president, how can anyone resist a "Commerative Obama Water"? And yes, commemorative is spelled incorrectly. Perfect!

Veruca and the Balloon

2009-01-04T21:56:00.001-08:00

Preparing for my show tomorrow night, I was packing some balloons and I realized that my cat, Veruca has never seen a balloon. So, I blew a little one up and placed it on the counter.

She ignored it for about twenty minutes, but I could tell she was interested. She slowly mored closer to the balloon, trying not to seemed interested. But curiosity got the better hold of her and she started to stare at it, then sniff it. Slowly she started to bat at the balloon. Now, if you know my cat, you know one thing in particular about her and that is, she keeps her claws very sharp. This is when I started to worry. I started to think maybe I was watching the old adage of "Curiosity Killed the Cat" come to life right before my eyes! I pictured her popping the balloon and it causes her to be rather frightened. As I thought this, the balloon rolled off the counter and onto the floor. Veruca slinked after and then laid down next to it and just stared at it for a half an hour.

Then nothing. She got up looked at me and meowed as if to say, "You're an idiot. I'm not stupid enough to mess with this stupid thing."

I got up popped the balloon and Veruca yawned. Guess my cat is just way cooler than me.

Made Me Cry

2008-12-26T14:02:00.000-08:00

The restroom of a movie theater in Grand Island, Nebraska- moments ago. Two little boys, ages six to eight years-old walk in and wait in line to use the urinals.

First Boy, "Did you just see 'Marley & Me'?"

"Yeah, it was sad at the end.", the Second boy replied.

"I know, it made me cry."

"Me too."

I saw the movie as well and I did in fact get a little misty at the end as well. Not the first movie I have cried at. But amazing how movies can effect us in such a profound way. The cynical part of me wants to think that Hollywood does it on purpose, just to get a reaction. There's tricks to the trade, inserting the right style of music over beauty shots to strike up emotions. But I've been home here in the heartland for about a week now and I think its good, be it a trick or not. We as people shouldn't deny the fact we have emotions and should feel free to express them without feeling embarrassed or uncool because of it. We don't feel ashamed to laugh. And we could never laugh if we didn't cry.

I recall one time in college, I spent a weekend day at home alone and I watched the movie "Andre" on TBS or something. The movie is about a little girl who befriends a seal. At the end, I cried and it made me feel better because of it.

Also, some lady "Shhhh'd!" me after I made a comment about that music video by 3 Doors Down about the National Guard. At the end, there is an advert that says one can download the song for free online, to which I said, "Oh great, I can can get that crappy song for free."

Shhhhh!

2008-12-19T18:51:00.000-08:00

Deep Throat took his last swallow

2008-12-19T08:14:00.000-08:00

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5ilXqH1ESn6ewLCnV5BOlHQSz_hOAD955M70G0

Mustache Poem

2008-12-18T07:41:00.000-08:00

Last night, I hosted an event for "Mustaches 4 Kids", a charity in which volunteers grow mustaches over the course of a month in an effort to raise money for various charities.

I wrote the following poem, which I read over the soft playing of an instrumental version of the song "Have I Told You Lately". I hope you enjoy.

Mustache oh Mustache
You rest above my lips
Trimmed & perfect with curly tips

Mustache oh Mustache
At 15, with a whisper, you started to grow
And I wish I knew then what I now know

I was only a boy, but you made me a man
Helped me buy beer, when I should of been banned

So much, My heart has been broken
So many, "I love you"s have been spoken

But the women all leave after their ride
And it's you mustache, that stays by my side

Mustache oh Mustache
In the Fall, when the skies are grey & the leaves turn brown
Its you mustache that saves me from a frown

In the Summer, when the heat is all day
You shade my chin from the sun's intense ray

In the Winter, when the snowflakes fall
It's you mustache that keeps me warm most of all

And in the Spring, when the flowers do bloom
Its you that guides me to their sweet perfume

Mustache oh Mustache
Will you continue to shade my face forevermore?
To my mouth, the hallway, will you be it's front door?

Will you continue to collect my food like a dust pan?
To the ladies, will you show I'm a rugged man?

I never want cancer, cause off you would fall
It's you- it's you mustache I need most of all

With you below my nose, I'll never have fear!
So hang on forever & Soak up my beer!

Mustache oh Mustache
If you promise to always be there
I promise it's for you I will always care

Video Game Christmas Music

2008-12-15T16:33:00.000-08:00

An early gift!

http://www.doctoroctoroc.com/video-game-inspired-music/8-bit-jesus-new-christmas-chip-tune-album/

In 2 Years Time...

2008-12-04T17:54:00.000-08:00

It has been two years since I've used this blog. Two years ago, I made a post about how I have lived in LA for five years and how it was best represented by my fridge. Well, in keeping with that trend, i have now lived out here for 7 years and thus...

My Fridge today:

My Fridge 2 years ago:

Strange how things have changed, yet stayed the same. I can see the differences, but knowing all that has transpired is something else. Some things remained important enough to stay at the top, some things didn't. Looking at it now, I know that in two years, there will be some things that will remain important- I can already know a few of these. But as is time, nothing is completely predictable.

He's Coming Soon!

2008-10-14T22:27:00.000-07:00

Comeback

2008-09-10T15:45:00.000-07:00

I'm coming back to post new blogs- Stay tuned!

The Wind-Resistant Kite

2006-11-29T17:51:00.001-08:00

Back in the mid-eighties, there was a young man. Not too smart, and not too dumb. He decided to make a kite one day. He gathered two sticks of wood, one longer than the other. He tied them together and was ready for the material he would fix to them in the shape of a diamond. He serched around his mother's basement until he found an old wind breaker made of the finest wind-resistant material. As I said before, he wasn't too smart- Just smart enough to know how to make a kite. When the kite was finished, the young man ran to the nearest park and although it was a gusty fall day, his kite would not fly. The young man grew angry and thus, left his kite there under a tree as the sky grew dark.

The kite became aware of itself that night. And as it rested starring up at the stars it thought about it's purpose in this world.

"I was made to fly- Am I not a kite?", it thought to itself. "And yet, I am made of a material that will never let me fly- Never let me soar above the clouds- Never feel the wind rushing across me, flickering my tail behind me as I look down on the earth below. I am a mistake."

The kite weeped, but no tears held to it's exterior, for the wind breaker it was made from was also water proof. The kite know it had to find it's place in this world. It thought and thought.

"Maybe I could be a plate or serving try.", It pondered. "No, no. The sticks I am made of are too weak to ever hold anything more than a simple plate of cheese and crackers. I would almost never be used except for holidays or special occasions." The kite would never want to be store away in some closet of cabinet. The meer thought of being in some dark tiny place, frighten the kite and it curled up it's tail.

"Maybe I could be used to keep the rain off someone's head in a thunderstorm.", It quickly considered. But again the idea of only being used on a rainy day and thus being stored away somewhere made the kite sigh with despair.

The kite felt doomed and cursed. Designed for one thing and yet made to never be what it was intended to be. Suddenly a over-growing feeling of pride swelled deep within the kite's little structure.

"I may never fly, but that doesn't mean I can't try!", it proclaimed. "I am a kite! And if I don't believe in myself, then I might as well just lay here and fade away."

From that moment on, the little wind-resistant kite never stopped trying to fly. Day in and day out, the kite dragged itself along the ground, jumping at every chance of wind, leaping towards the heavens in the hope to catch a breeze and fly- even if it was only for the breifest of moments.

Weeks passed. Months, seasons, years flew by and that kite never gave up. Several times a jogger or park matinece worker would put the kite in a park trash can, but that never stopped the kite. It would crawl back out and try again and again and again and again. It was scrapped, torn in places and even one of it's sticks was cracked a little from hitting the ground one too many times. Yet the kite never caved in, it never allowed itself to feel doubt. There were days when it wanted to give-up and there were days when the wind seemd just right, but it never flew and as time went by it seemed as though the little wind-resistant kite would never, never fly.

But as all things change, one day so did the wind. the kite was beaten badly and could hardly make the jump as once could, but it tried none the less. And low and behold, it didn't hit the ground. At first, the kite was confused. It had never felt anything like this before. Where was the consint reminder of failure that came when it felt itself crash into the ground? The kite shook the dirt form itself and peered down below. The kite was flying! The kite was up in the air- it was flying above the trees, looking down on the earth below. A guts of wind hit it and it flew higher still. It's tail rifled behind it as the wind made it dance about. The kite flew in and out of the clouds, higher and lower. It could believe it- It was a natural at flying. No! It was made to fly and always had been. The wind-resistant kite had never flet more free or more alive. It flew up and disrupted a flock of birds flying in a V formation.

"Look at me, birds! I'm flying! I'm flying!", the kite shouted. The birds were startled needless to say. One bird was overheard to remark to another that this kite had no string- It wasn't attached to the earth. It flew without teather.

The kite flew and flew and never came down. Around the world it went time after time and the kite never got tired of it.

And even today, every now and then you may look in the sky and see a kite soaring through the sky, not atatched to anything, not having a care in the world. And you may say, "I believe that wind-resistant kite was flying." And you would be correct my friend, Because what you are made of is never more powerful than what you believe in.

In 17 Minutes Time ...

2006-11-22T12:41:00.000-08:00

In 17 minutes time, my laundry will be ready to take out of the dryer. I did my whites first- just waiting on my darks.

Lately I have felt the need to take it easy. I've been working on this new show of my coming up this wek, but all the while I have been wanting to just lay back and watch the world float by. This isn't anything new- I've been feeling this way for about a month and half. I think I need to get away from LA for a little while. I was going to take a trip, but a sudden change of work scheduling put an end to that and now I find myself stuck here until Christmas.

Come this Thanksgiving, I will have been here in Los Angeles for 5 years and I think that time is best shown by the items on my fridge.

Some of my favorite things on my fridge which tell of the last 5 years are:

My offical membership certificate to The Idaho Spuddy Buddy Fan Club.

My picture of me in Piccadilly in London, which comes from a game show I was on where I won a trip to London and during my stay, I did stand-up there in North London.

A drawing I did at LACMA the first year I lived out here, where I worte my name in Eypgtian Hyrogliphics. I'm sure it is very accurate.

Postcards from shows I saw or did, such as "Plan F".

My wonderful magnet collection, which includes a magnet of Tipper Gore and one for each state in which I have lived in my lifetime.

I have postcards from friends and loved ones, pictures of the coolest people, who I am lucky they consider me their friend. And of course pictures of family.

There are a few relics from my old sketch comedy truope, The Pretty Okay Ho-hum Spectacular on Ice!

and what interests me most of all, is the magnetic poetry I find. Some are true windows into my feelings and thoughst of some of the most important moments of my life in the last 5 years. Some of them are silly and random, others are deep and meanigful. It's amazing how such a daft little knik knack like magnetic poetry can capture something like that.

Some of my favorite little wordings are these:

Such Dud with shallow marbles can't have such blonde. Even if he spells the door to active excellent this.

Know-it-alls fool no smarty

Her's, it is a handsome unstupid love. Knowing all erases no problem.

Dazed mind without fabulous you. New want awaits him at coma. Densa are we, loosing simple peace.

Shit out of life.

I only wonder what my fridge will look like after the next five years and if it will still be this fridge here in this apartment. Such mysteries could keep my up all night and then ease into my dreams as I drift off into slumber.

... Well, laundry's done.

Whatcha' looking at?

2006-04-17T16:24:00.000-07:00

It seems to me that a common phrase in TV, Film and even Books is "Whatca' looking at?" or more simply "What are you looking at?"

It's always a bully or big jerk character or bad guy. Yet, they never seem to realize how this line of dialog completely opens them up to be made fun of. It's that old saying; ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer. For the hero or character we tend to identify more with always has a great comeback like, "Just a pile of shit pretending to be man." or "Mr. Clean on steroids." or "I dunno- 99% muscle, 1% brain?" and so on.

And the great thing is that these squabbles are always started by just someone starring at someone else. What a incident to start a riot!

I guess, I's just saying be careful out there, people. I'm always starring and I've got a million quips no matter who you is. And I'm sure I'm not alone.

However, if I were being starred at and tripped up, asking, "What are you looking at?" I'm sure a great response would be, "I dunno- A near-sighted King Lear? Someone wearing a bad wig? Just another unemployed dipshit hipster wannbe?"

I just made myself cry.

RIP Buck Owens

2006-03-27T15:04:00.000-08:00

Buck Owens died Saturday. I liked Buck Owens.

Ho-hum on YouTube

2006-03-01T09:18:00.000-08:00

Good old Danforth France was nice enough to put a lot of those old Pretty Okay Ho-hum Spectacular on Ice videos on youtube.com

note from the mind of "Plan F"

2006-01-17T22:22:00.000-08:00

lately, i have been working on a new sketch show that has been completely devised by your's truely. it's all those sketches and things i always wanted to do in addition to the newest of my brain storms i wrote that i need to put out there.

i'm hoping this show will go over very well and thus, it shall become a monthly ordeal. but hey! you should come, because if it does go monthly, my plans are for this show to never be the same, but for it to evolve. for one, i have painstikingly written sketches in this show that have the power to mutate with each performance as well as twists and turns that will never be the same for any show.

ps: it is my hypothesis that whereas Abe Lincoln has been the "historical comic go-to" for years, his time is done and the NEW "historical comic go-to" will be Amelia Earhart and/or The Lindbergh Baby. "Plan F" promises to make fun of both, striving to spearhead this comedic turn about.

with all that out of the way, here's the advertisment:

Chad Fogland, one of the founding fathers of The Pretty Okay Ho-hum Spectacular on Ice! tries to do something NEW ...

"Plan F"

Komodie fur wenn alles andere versagt.
Comedy for when all else fails.

Es ist Skizze nicht nur- es ist ein Singen, tanzend, blutige Fahrt in Teile unbekannt. Sie werden ein riesiges Roboterungeheuer, Zeugenchirurgie, und Fund fahren, aus was wirklich zu Amelia Earhart ...that geschehen ist, Sie zuerst nicht sich verlieben!
It's not just sketch- it's a singing, dancing, bloody ride into parts unknown. You'll ride a giant robot monster, witness surgery, and find out what really happened to Amelia Earhart ...that is, if you don't fall in love first!

Ein neues Skizze Komodie Ding vom absurd Gehirn von Chad Fogland.
A new sketch comedy thing from the absurd brain of Chad Fogland.

starring:
Chad Fogland, Emily Maya Mills, Matt Manser, Joanna Schochet, Mike Overman* and Josh Fadem

directed by:
Ron Lynch

10PM on January 28th, 2006@ The UCB Theatre - 5919 Franklin Ave.

$8 gets you this NEW show and
the NEW show by The Winchester Prep. Sketch Academy!

Click Here for RSVP

*Mike Overman will be filling in for Nic Wegener

never before

2005-11-19T22:03:00.000-08:00

never before have i heard an entire movie audience of 300 all in unison said, "Whaaaa?!"

yet today it happened at the end of the trailer for "Match Point"

check it out yourself :
http://www.matchpoint.dreamworks.com/

halloweenie picturos

2005-11-01T19:18:00.000-08:00

seen here with Blaine Capatch as John Lennon, this was the thought out/planned costume- a bandito. not seen are my authentic old west boots and replica colt peacemaker .45 pistolas.

and then seen here with Mike Hollingsworth as Jim Henson and Kermet, is my makeshift/lazy costume in which i am a clumsy italian sterotype. not seen is the big spagetti sauce stain on my shirt.

64 and 6 days left

2005-10-21T11:18:00.000-07:00

i just realized that the year is almost over- just two months left. 64 days until Christmas and then only 6 days after that- hello 2006.

jeeeesh, this year went by fast. and what a year at that. feels like i've been on a losing streak forever. ...nnahhh, it wasn't all bad- but mostly it wasn't good either. lost love, lost friends, lost family memebers- but at least after four years of looking here in LA, i finally found a good job that pays well.

but to be honest; if there's such a thing as krama, then 2005 must be the backlash for 2004. if so, i think i've learned my lesson. you can stop now buddha. i get it.

and now it's almost Halloween leading us into "the holiday season", which isn't nothing but weeks and weeks of sentimental televison commericals, cheesey decorations and reminders that there's only so many shopping days left.

not a huge fan of "the holiday season", but i do like Thanksgiving. this year, one would think that i wouldn't have much to be thankful for, but i am thankful for all my regrets, my bad krama, my good times, my past loves- ahhh, i just thankful because all in all i have a pretty good life and i've learned alot about myself this year.

i think i'll go home for bit longer than just a weekend this year. and then next year, i'm going to take a big fat vacation and travel somewhere i've never been. perhaps Austraila or Japan. ...yeah, i like that thought.

here's to a good end to 2005 and an even better 2006.

the last slab

2005-09-17T21:02:00.000-07:00

i use to enjoy the neighborhood i live in. sure, it's not the nicest place, the most cleanest area of town, but i found it's lack of order and numberous foul mouthed childern charming in a sort of "living in the big city kind of way". and when i first moved in i didn't think too much of the fact that my apartment complex doesn't provide parking.

however; since living here my car has been damaged many times and in many different ways. i have lost my driver's side mirror twice and my passenger mirror is still missing at the moment. my trunk was broken into and the lock doesn't work anymore. but to top it all off, today was the last straw- or should i say the last slab. today as i made my way out to my car, i found that for some reason, somebody felt that it would be funny to toss a 13 inch by 11 inch slab of concrete into my windshield. i didn't laugh too much about it.

turns out, my wasn't the only car hit by these concrete tossers. three other cars were also victim of an unenvited piece of manmade rock. the best part about it was trying to contact the police about the matter, which i was unable to do. after 2 hours and three different phone numbers, i gave up trying to make a report.

so i joined westside rentals today and am in search of a new place, in a new neighborhood and diffinatly one that provides parking!

ps: i'm happy to move seeing how for some fucking reason the guy two places down will not stop "whooing" every fucking 10 seconds for the last three days! i can't tell if he is retarded, drunk, or just a fucking jackass. probably all of the above. somebody take me away.

A&E Gorilla Suit Bio online

2005-07-27T18:47:00.000-07:00

if you missed " The Curse of P.P. Fartingham's Gorilla Suit ", then that's a shame. but fret not, because now you can view the A&E Biography on The Legend of the Curse of P.P. Fartingham's Gorilla Suit online. featuring the talents of Moses Robinson, Daniel Fogland, Danforth France, Pat Healy, Josh Fadem, Charlyne Yi, Paul Rust, Neil Campbell, Michael Busch, Jenn Fee, Nic Wegener, Billy Ferguson, Chad Fogland and Wingnut the Dog.

Just CLICK HERE, courtesy of Maria Friesen (the editor!)

and if you liked the Video and are in need of a great editor, then hire Maria Friesen! she is really awesome, as one can see at her website:

www.mariafriesen.com

and if you liked the photos of Fartingham's Circus and are in need of a great photographer, then hire Meredith Jenks! she too is awesome, as one can see at her website:

www.meredithjenks.com

ps: if you liked the way some of the photos were altered or the actual flyer of the show (as seen in post below) and are in need of a great graphics person, then hire Danforth France, he is awesome, as one can see at his website:

www.planetdanforth.com

and BIG THANKS to everyone who made it out to the show!!! you made a silly little guy from Nebraska happy.

Tonight, Saturday the 23rd

2005-07-23T09:37:00.000-07:00

TONIGHT IS THAT CURSED GORILLA SUIT SHOW

CLICK HERE FOR TICKETS

(Hurry - almost SOLD OUT!)

not another sax

2005-07-20T12:27:00.000-07:00

i have never been musically talented. those who know me well, know that i have no idea what tone, pitch, or harmony are. when i sing, i just sing and worry not about the consequences.

now don't get me wrong, i have my rare moments. songs such as "Wooly Bully", "Monster Mash", and even "You Got It" i can sing rather well. more or less because i can simply imatate the singer's voice while singing. but still i do sound good with those songs. i am still trying to find others i can sing as well, but it's a long road.

as for musical instruments, i have never been able to get them down very well. my ear just seems to be unable to pick up the proper sound that needs to be made to create a song. this reminds me of my saxaphone i had in junior high. i was in the band, but i couldn't really play. and yes, i will admit that i didn't practice as much as i should of and eventully when we had to do performances, i would just finger along with my mouth on the reed and not really play at all. this reminds me of a time when i was in the cub scouts and there was a talent show where each troop was to lip sync to a song. i forget what song we choose, but i had my sax and i was suppose to pretend to play along with the sax solo in the song. this would of been just fine and dandy except the troop before us did the superbowl suffle and had a sax mimic as well. they went all out. they all dressed up as the bears and everything. i remeber thinking that i shouldn't do my sax thing because it would seem like i was coping them. but i swallowed my pride and mimiced my saxaphone playing. "not another sax" was heard from the crowd and i began to sweat, but i fake played on. we didn't win and those were the only times in my life where i held an instrument in front of a live audience.

that is until this last monday. at a comedy show, Garage Comedy, my friends Danforth France and Josh Fadem asked me to help out in a sketch that they pulled from an old Spectacular on Ice! show we did. Danforth played Teddy Tuneful, a beatles mix with buddy holly like that sang a simple song about love. Josh played a teenage tiny-booper who kept trying to get on stage to hug Teddy. then at one point, i run out instead of Josh. i was dressed like a mummy, and i moaned and danced to the song, until Teddy saw me and was scared stiff. the roadie pulled Teddy off and then brought on a Bass Guitar for the mummy to play. so for the first time ever, i played a musical instrument and sang to a live audience. it was a lot more scary than i thought. what did i play? well, it was really not that hard. just the bass rift to "Louie, Louie". and then as a mummy, i moaned the lyrics of the song in a singing tongueless moan. turned out to be pretty funny and made me want to play music more.

needless to say, i got a tiny, tiny taste of being a rock star and i really liked it.

surf n turf, a la mode

2005-07-16T16:15:00.000-07:00

i like to mix different kinds of food in my mouth for new favors. much like the guys who discovered ice cream with pie, lobster and steak or chicken and waffles, i feel that i am an innovator.

some of my discoveries are:

cottage cheese with french fries

chedder and sour cream lays potato chips with cream cheese on a bagel

cookie crisp cerel with cinnamon life cerel

dark chocolate with buttered and salted popcorn

a banana with a A&W cream soda

all, i'm saying is that sometimes putting two different things in your mouth at once can be a serediptiously tasteful delight. brave new worlds, people. brave new worlds.

in production 2

2005-07-14T23:50:00.000-07:00

in just 8 days, my comedy show, "The Curse of P.P. Fartingham's Gorilla Suit" goes up for it's one night only performance at the new UCB Theatre here in Los Angeles. i feel like i'm about to give birth.

just so you know kids, i will be passing out Fartingham Circus Trading cards to all that attendthe show. here's a choice few for your enjoyment:

a full set is 16 indiviual cards, all with added information about each character on the back. everyone will get a pack of 5 cards each.

and then there's the show itself! happening on July 23rd at 10 PM - 5919 Franklin Ave. LA, CA.

a 35 minute Chad Fogland epic:

"The Curse of P.P. Fartingham's Gorilla Suit"

"Once you put it on, it's the last thing you'll ever wear."

Written by Chad Fogland, Moses Robinson and Nic Wegner.

Starring Chad Fogland, Jenn Fee, Billy Ferguson, Moses Robinson and Nic Wegner.

A Show with Surprises, Danger, Romance, Mystery, Chocolate, Comedy and Cameos!

CLICK HERE FOR TICKETS

double hockey sticks

2005-07-01T13:10:00.000-07:00

i have never been to Hell. but i hear that it is...

as hot as a summer’s day, beach sand, boiling water, fresh pizza from the oven, a sexy woman, a sexual act.

as hard as a complex math probelm, concrete, froozen earth, a tough video game level, an old fruitcake, escaping prision.

as funny as a great joke, a practical joke, your favorite comedian, an accident that happens to a good friend.

as stupid as a dumb joke, an idiot person or idea, a bad movie, a bad plan of attack.

as crazy as a wacky idea, a nutty joke, an insane person, a fancy computer altered movie, ...mostly anything now a days seems to have the possibilty of being as crazy as hell.

as strong as steal, a safe, a muscle man.

as weak as a lame premiss for a story, brittle wood, a bad hypothesis.

as rad as a cool skateboard or bike trick.

as cold as a blizzard, a popsicle, the water at a pool, lake or beach at times, a mean person who has hurt you.

all in all, Hell sounds like a really unstable place. i'm glad i don't live there. i wouldn't know how to dress for one thing- a heavy coat and shorts? i dunno.

in production

2005-06-26T10:16:00.000-07:00

since the end of the Sunday show by The Pretty Okay Ho-hum Spectacular on Ice!, i have been wokring on a comedy show of my own design and have recently gone into production for the video segments of said comedy show.

my show will be a one night only deal at the new Upright Citzens Brigade Theater opening here in Los Angeles. The theater opens July 2nd and kicks off the month with sketch and improv shows from the UCB as well as some of the top comedians in LA, which for some reason is where i come in. i was asked to do a show on Saturday, July 23rd at 9:30PM. and thus, "The Curse of P.P. Fartinghma's Gorilla Suit" was born.

yesterday we went into the production of the first video for the show. below is a picture from yesterday of P.P. Fartingham's Circus; 1931.

"The Curse of P.P. Fartingham's Gorilla Suit";
starring Jenn Fee, Billy Ferguson, Nic Wegner, Moses Robinson, and of course myself.

with cameos by Neil Campbell, Paul Rust, Charlyne Yi, Michael Busch, Daniel Fogland, Danforth France, Pat Healy, Josh Fadem, and Wingnut the dog.

there's lots more work to be done and then there's the actual show itself. it weights heavy on me and i would love to see you all there. more info to be in the coming weeks. stay tuned!

Other Upcoming Shows this month at the new UCB Theater:

July 13th @ 8PM - The Westchester Preparatory Sketch Academy performs.

July 22nd @ 8PM - Josh Fadem does a show of unknown title.

July 22nd @ 9:30PM - "Let's Go!", a show by Neil Campbell and Paul Rust of Fireball Deluxe.

July 23rd @ 8PM - "The Doo-Doo Show", a show from Charlyne Yi. She tells me that everyone should bring thier pillows.

July 23rd @ 10PM - "The Curse of P.P. Fartingham's Gorilla Suit", but you already know about this one.

July 29th @ 9:30PM - Prank the Dean preforms.

July 29th @ 9:30PM - Danforth France presents "A Date with the Four Food Groups and You".

i would highly suggest freeing your Wednesday, Friday and Saturday nights for the month of July. all of these shows will be quite Grand indeed.
CLICK HERE FOR TICKETS

*Fartingham's Circus Photo provided by Meredith Jenks

the maroon tux

2005-06-23T23:17:00.000-07:00

i have a picture up on my MySpace Profile (http://www.myspace.com/fogland)and a few people have asked about it. here's the picture:
this is me at the ripe age of 18 years-old. i was off on my way to my senior prom. it was the second dance i ever went to while attending school back in Nebraska. the first being an 8th grade dance, that i was a wallflower at.

here's a choice photo also from that night:

that's me with my date, Kim Albracht, and a few friends of my at the time, Loren and Ayse Hoops, Cameron Kroeger and Diane Ashwood, then me and Kim.

i can't say it was all that of a magical night. we went ot eat dinner at this place which was apparently famous for prom dinners. it wasn't my really choice, but the food was good. at any rate, the place was a bit out of town and we got to the prom late. i got to dance with Kim once and then the prom was over. i took Kim home and then went home myself and watched "Kids in the Hall".

but really, i had a good time. i was the only one in a maroon tux. i got the tux at an auction for $25. and i still have it. ...you know the odd thing is my 10 year high school reunion is coming up in about two months. i really don't care about any of those people. high school wasn't really fun at all for me. i can safely say, i rather hated it. there is only a very small handfull of people i would be interested in seeing. but, as one can see form these photos, i have changed a bit. i was late bloomer and have grown a foot since then. i spouted in college. it would be interesting to go. i would imagine, most people wouldn't remember me, let alone recognize me.

we shall see. maybe, i'll even wear my old maroon tux again. i'll probably hve to have it altered if so.

Curtis Armstrong would be proud of me

2005-06-23T22:06:00.000-07:00

Poindexter: "Wait- no, wait. Would you rather live in the accendancy of a civilation or in it's decline?"

on a random whem, i went out and rented a VHS copy of the classic 1984 "Revenge of the Nerds". man oh man, i love that movie. it still makes me laugh hard. and i notice things i never did before, like when after a night of watching the Pi's with their hidden cameras, the nerds are still up and Lewis has himself a bowl of Cheerios and Beer.

the reason i bring it up is this movie was one of my top favorites from childhood to present. and it was at the end of my own college days, it was Bernie Casey, U.N. Jefferson himself, who put my Diploma in my hands. sure, i got my BFA, double majoring in Art History and Sequintal Art, but the best was looking Bernie in the eye and saying, "Thanks U.N."

Stan Gable: "Times are changing, Betty. Those nerds are a threat to our way of life."

a rare topical attempt

2005-06-14T13:59:00.000-07:00

this is the only time i will make a micheal jackson joke:

micheal jackson announced today that he will have no more sleepovers at his home, the neverland ranch.

which means, i'll have to get so drunk that he'll HAVE to let me stay the night.

at least he won't have to slip any wine in my can of coke while i play with bubbles.

joke rating = lame

Ian Flemings ...Moore?

2005-05-28T19:45:00.000-07:00

on a recent plane ride, i came across a triva section in a maganize that stated the fact that Roger Moore has played the character James Bond more than any other actor. i believe it was a record of 7 times.

my father has always been a big James Bond fan and Roger Moore was his favorite James Bond, basically because he was the Bond that my father knew when he got really into James Bond. thing that always got me was the first Bond movie Roger Moore was in, "Live and Let Die".

by far, "Live and Let Die" was never one of my favorite Bond flicks, but i always did love that theme song. never the less, i always thought it silly and i guess a little creepy how in the picture Jane Seymour's character, Solitare was douped into having sex with James Bond.
here we have a character who is physic, a fortune teller who uses tarot cards to perdict the future. it is stated that her ability comes form the fact she is a virgin. along comes James Bond, who convinces this young woman to have sexual intercourse with him by metohd of stacking her tarot card deck with mutipule "lovers" cards. this way, when reading the future that would be between them, she would draw the "lovers" card and think that they are destined to get it on. and it works. James Bond loves her and leaves her without her ability. funny? yes. creepy? indeed.

but don't get me wrong, other Moore as Bond pictures were better. from "Moonraker" with it's subplot of the classic Bond villain Jaws finding true love to the daringly named, "Octopussy". and let's not forget one of my top favorite Bond films, "A Veiw to Kill". how can not like a film with Christopher Walken and Grace Jones as the main villains? i know i can't!

[Hovering over Silicon Valley in their airship]
May Day: "Wow, what a View!"
Max Zorin: "To a KILL!"

death, break-ups, and yes, even final shows

2005-05-28T17:35:00.000-07:00

so here we go...

about two weeks ago, the weekly comedy show, The Pretty Okay ho-hum Spectacular on Ice came to an end. do i miss it? i do.

it was a big bloody, touching and often funny show and it ended in a blast, with a proper send off. for those who were there, i can only hope they will never forget it and those who weren't there, i can only hope they never hear the end of it.

picking up the peices and moving on is tough with any endevor in life. from deaths, break-ups, and yes, even final shows. thing is, i have had to deal with them all in these past weeks.

after the final show, i had to fly home for a funeral. while in nebraska, i stopped moving so fast and without a sunday show on my mind as well, i cleared my head and found things i wish i had found many months ago. i'm sorry i wasn't honest with myself until it was too late, Maria.

but it's not all pain and sadness. this ending is only the beginning of better times to come. the Spectacular on Ice sunday show was the best and has brought me much confidence as well as giving me great knowledge for the future. and i know that i will only do grander, wilder things now. things that will make the sunday show look like chopped liver.

thank you to all that suported the sunday show. it would of never half as fun or grand without all of you there enjoying four geeks with a bunch of wigs and oversized props made at home with cardboard and foamcore.

i hug the sunday show goodbye ...and turn around with open arms.

The End to Spectacular!

2005-05-11T12:30:00.000-07:00

This is it. The very last Pretty Okay Ho-hum Spectacular on Ice! There will be no more after this. The weekly show is done for and over with.

With this being the very last Spectacular, many questions are asked. Which characters will appear? What surprises are in store? Who will have the last laugh? What will happen to the Goat? Who will die one last time and who will die forever? And finally, Just Who is the Best Dancer?!

Say Goodbye Forever...

With Comedy from:
Blaine CAPATCH
Charlyne YI
Erik Charles NIELSEN
Eric MONEYPENNY
Rylee NEWTON
Tom SEGURA
Sean QUINN
Matt DWYER & Mike O'CONNELL

Musical Guest:
Screaming Lord FAGGOT

A Show featuring:
James ADOMIAN
DeMorge BROWN
David I. JOHNSON
Micheal BUSCH
plus
Special Surprise Guests!

And of course, Your Hosts:
Josh FADEM
Chad FOGLAND
Danforth FRANCE
and
Pat HEALY

Sunday May 15th @ 8 PM
The Ramada Inn - 1160 N. Vermont Ave. in Los Angeles.
FREE with one drink.

Aftermath Celebration to follow!

www.theprettyokayho-humspectacularonice.com

"dude...WTF?! Why is the show ending?! WTF?!"

yes, i'm afraid so. The Pretty Okay Ho-hum Spectacular on Ice!'s weekly show comes to an end this Sunday, May 15th, 2005. the boys and i have been doing this show for just over a year and felt it time to put it to rest. as it was put by Danforth, "Don't be downhearted! The group is still hanging tough! Pam, Jack, Little John, Woolworth, and DeGeorge will all return in future shows at some future venue, but for the interim, the fly-by-the-seat-of-their-pants weekly Ramada show will be ended so that elaborately fine-tuned professional productions of exceedingly well-prepared material may be produced."

bigger and better things for the Spectacular on Ice! my friends, bigger and better wigs and high-flootin' nonsense, indeed!

as the shows ends, we have been everywhere from the farm...

to space...

and beyond.

we have dealt with important issues; from drugs...

women...

the apocalypse...

prison...

death...

sickness...

blockbuster movies...

and even ...sleepovers!

we have been guest hosted by gentlemen and cubes.

we've even been out of the Ramada Inn, performing at Comedy Death Ray and the Comedy Central Stage.

and if you missed last week's Penultimate show, then you missed a show with heartthrobs, monster hunters, Star Wars nerds and mummies.

it all started off with Josh dealing with some Star Wars nerds who where waiting in line for "Revenge of the Sith", thinking that the movie was going to be shown at the Ramada.

"this isn't even a movie theater!"

"the saga ends where the line begins! Lucas will show the picture wherever the fans need him to show it."

eventual, the nerds take a seat with comedian, Susan Burke.

the show gets started with a press conference with the scientists from Colorama.

"we have discovered a new color."

"what does this new color look like?"
"where did you find this new color?"

"it's kind of a ...a blueish. and we found it in an Egyptain Tomb. yes, the wizard."

"did you know that there is a CURSE on those who enter that tomb?"

the scientists flee, unknowingly unleashed a curse on the Ramada Inn. no bother, though. the show must go on. Danforth takes the stage to do some jokes.

"LA has the worst drivers, i tell ya."

suddenly, with a moan, the mummy appears!

"OOrrreeeagaannneeann"

Danforth is caught off guard and he freezes in fear.

the mummy leaves and moments later, Randall, the mummy hunter enters and finds out that he is once again too late to stop the mummy.

"ohhh man! i'm once again too late to stop the mummy!"

Randall seeks the help of an old stereotype for help with his hunt.

not being much help, Randall goes back to the Monster Hunter's Club. but there he only gets ragged on by the the Sea Monster Hunter, the Werewolf Hunter and the Frankstein's Monster Hunter.

"still haven't killed a mummy, eh Randall?!" (laughs)

elsewhere, the mummy wins concert tickets to his favorite recording artist, Teddy Tuneful!

at the concert, there are screaming girls and ...screaming mummies?!

(singing) "that's why, i'm in love with love."

the mummy scares Teddy stiff.

suddenly, the Star Wars nerds enter fighting, the mummy scares them off, but not without some bitter stares. do jedi mind tricks not work on the undead?

later, the nerds return to deal with this new foe. and even though the mummy is prepared, he is slayed.

the nerds have saved the Ramada and are given metals in a closing ceremony.

the end.

now, they Sunday is the last one of these shows forever. what kind of stuff will happen? who will make an appearance? who will live and who will die? will age old scores be finally settled? and just who is the best dancer around?

there's only one why to find out. and be it known, that afterwards there shall be a celebration that all are invited to join in on!

come on- it's FREE and it will never be again.

Love,
Chad Fogland of The Pretty Okay Ho-hum Spectacular on Ice!

special thanks to Linda Pine for the photos of last week's show.

and gentlemen missed

2005-04-26T21:33:00.000-07:00

if you missed last Sunday's The Pretty Okay Ho-hum Specatcular on Ice!, then you missed the night when The Gentlemenly Gentlemen hosted.

ahh yes, The Gentlemenly Gentlemen, Chad Fogland and Danforth France.

the evening was started off with a rousing rendition of "On Top of Spageheti", featuring a solo from Danforth.

this of course lead to some fantastic yo-yo antics from Chad.

next time Danforth is onstage, he interupted by none other than that wacky asian, Mr. Lee.

it seems that Mr. Lee is "Soo Bored of House". "Mailbox all filled with Papers." "Beds Unbed." "Refridgerator all Empty." "Toliets all Full." Danforth is understanding and suggests the fine establishment of The Ramada Inn, where they are at this very moment. Mr. Lee loves that idea and goes to check in.

"Toot-a-Roo." Toot-a-Roo to you, Mr. Lee and thanks for helping us fulfill our contact agreement with the Ramada Inn.

towards the beginning of the show, it is discovered that Chad has incrediable mental powers allowing him to read peoples minds and if he is so enclined, blow their heads up. this wouldn't be a problem except for the fact that Chad gets a letter form his mom including some pictures of her, which Danforth finds rather attractive.

Danforth fights off dirty thoughts of Chad's mom during the classic Gentlemenly Gentlmen "Yachting Sketch". Ut-oh!

luckily for Danforth, Chad is busy elsewhere and tinfoil seems to block out Chad's mental powers. plus, Danforth gets a visit from Ralphie Fatzo, the world's fattest comedian- wait a second, what happened to Fatzo?

it seems that Fatzo has gone on a diet and lost 456lbs. bad news is he hasn't had time to buy new clothes or write new jokes. Ut-oh #2!

it's okay because Big Shoulders, dancing superstar stops by. Wow look at those shoulders. but, Shoulders is stopped and placed under arrest for abusing his girlfriend. Ut-oh #3! what are the Gentlemen going to do?

Phew! The Dancing Chimney just happened to stop by to watch the show and is more than happy to fill in for Big Shoulders.

later, Danforth confronts Chad about his crazy plot to bring balance to the world by having everyone contract every incurable disease know to man, bringing mankind to a sharklike utopia of health. a massive swordfight happens. "You were ther Choosen one!", shouts Danforth as he jumps from the piano. after a two bit battle, Chad is easily defeated. but wait! Chad causes his essisance to accumulate and leave his earthly body to form a high density form of light and energy. and with that, The Gentlemenly Gentlemen sing thier classic closing song, "The Impossible Dream".

quite a show. eh, Danforth?

ohhh, Danforth. you silly, silly cad.

but hey! there's ONLY 3 Pretty Okay Ho-hum Spectacular on Ice! Shows left! after that who knows where you'll be able to go on Sunday nights. Church?! man oh man, Church ain't no Completely Different and Orginal Sketch/Stand-up Comedian Show that changes every Sunday. A show that is NEVER repeted and ALWAYS NEW!!!

The Pretty Okay Ho-hum Spectacular on Ice!
Every Sunday @ 8 PM - The Ramada Inn, 1160 N. Vermont Ave. in Los Angeles.
it's FREE! check it out before it's gone for good.

special thanks to Meredith Jenks for her photos of the show.

first standing ovation

2005-04-02T13:49:00.000-08:00

i'm at work. and at work, they pipe in this contemporary jazz music throughout the hallways and even in the bathrooms, where for some reason, the music is louder. i guess perhaps to deafen the noise of plops and tinkles.

anyway, i was just in the bathroom, doing my business to a lovely jazz piano performance. i finished and as i flushed the toliet, the song ended and there was an uproar of applause and cheers that lasted all the while as i washed my hands and returned down the hallway to the office where i work at.

it was the first standing ovation i ever got.

spectacular field trip

2005-03-10T13:50:00.000-08:00

The Pretty Okay Ho-hum Spectacular on Ice!:
Josh Fadem, Chad Fogland, Pat Healy, and Danforth France at Vasquez Rocks.

space-age diet

2005-03-10T13:22:00.000-08:00

so i recently started this new diet. it was developed by NASA and consists of nothing but freezed dried foods. that's right Astronaut Food.

the only probelm is that now when i go grocery shopping i have to find a museum gift shop.

i don't want to be an Oscar Meyer Wiener

2005-03-03T17:48:00.000-08:00

oh boy! i won a contest and today i actually got to go inside the Oscar Meyer Wienermoblie.

and you know what, it's true. it's filled with nothing but lips, assholes and rat shit.

* * *
okay, okay. that was a super bad joke, but i did see the Wienermoblie today. it makes me wonder, when are they going to come out with the civilian model. i mean we can get a Hummer now. *Zing*

* * *
okay- yes, another shitty joke. but seriously, do you think the Wienermoblie plumps when it gets hot enough outside.

* * *
oh man, i'm sorry. i can't seem to stop. i mean, do you think the driver of the Wienermoblie feels uncomfortable whenever he or she drives the vehicle through a tunnel?

* * *
wait, wait. do you think every time Oscar Meyer has to buy tires for the Wienermoblie, they can only get them in packs of 8.

* * *
oh my god, these are horrorible. but hey people, if Oscar Meyer were to make motorcycle versions of the Wienermoblie, would they be called Cocktail Wienermoblies? and what would the gang be called, the Hell's Franks?

* * *
oh, i have to stop. these are getting really really bad. but hey! under the hood of that there Wienermoblie, you think instead of a Fuel Injection Manifold, it's got a Hot Beef Injection Manifold?

* * *
okay, i'll stop now. but this was fun. it's fun to be lame. thus, i'm opening it up to everyone. comment back with your lamest Wienermoblie joke. i'll actually reward the Wiener with a special prize!

to quote the chimney

2005-03-02T20:46:00.000-08:00

last night The Pretty Okay Ho-hum Spectacular on Ice! guest hosted Comedy Death Ray.

big deal huh? yeah ...

but, last night i got to introduce to the stage Maria Bamford. i was Babet Clatsu, world reknown performance artist. then later i introduced Bob Odenkirk as the voice of a Dancing Chimney, whose body was played by Danforth France.

but also, there were peanut butter beards, aliens watching comics from the future, the "guess who" game show, Jim Gaffigan, Drew Hastings, Chrissy Haberman, Ian Edwards and the one and only Larry Silverpants, who was very surprised to have his act interrupted by The Dancing Chimney. as it turns out, The Dancing Chimney is that which is the negetive on which rides Larry Silverpants, who is the positive.

to quote the Chimney, "Larry Silverpants, know to look at me, you look into a mirror that reflects back the opposite of you."

Larry Silverpants, "NNOooooooooo!"

it was quite a night.

special thanks to Meredith Jenks for the photos.

Darn Tootin'

2005-02-28T10:35:00.000-08:00

oh man, i made one the best pruchases of life just recently.

the other day i was at a record store with my friend, Meredith. for some reason, it hit me that i wanted to look at the conutry and western music section. while Meredith browsed through the Dolly Parton albums, i happened upon Kenny Rogers, 20 Greatest Hits. i knew that i had to buy this CD. i mean, look at it for crying out loud.

i really only knew two songs on the disc, Lady and The Gambler. but i was excited to hear the rest. and boy howdy, i have not been disappointed. since buying that CD, i have found a new favorite song every morning when i drive to work. Friday it was Ruby Don’t take your Love to Town. Damnit that song is good. Saturday it was Coward of the County. Man alive, i couldn’t help but hear Tommy’s story over and over again. Today it was Love or Something like It. Wow. i just put my CD player in my car on repete and sang along as i slowly waited through the traffic of the 101.

and then just yesterday, i pulled into a gas station to fill up and there were all these lowriders and pimped out rides blasting these loud bass beats that obscured the lrics of the song. my windows were down and they all stopped and stared as this nerdy white boy cruises by singing along to his new favorite CD. “you got to know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away, and know when to run...”
i could hardly contain my laughter. how completely bizarre that moment in time was. a hipster dumbshit listening to the Gambler while amidst mint green lowriders bouncing up and down.

that CD is sooo good. all of these songs are flippin’ rad! i use to turn my head or cover my ears when country would be in earshot, but over the past year, i have found a new love for it.

keep your rap, your hip hop, your dance music, your poppy repetetive bass beats, your new alternetive college underground. give me a slide guitar and a song about a man pharalized in a hospital bed while his girl puts on make-up to go out on the town anyday.
“if i could move, i’d get my gun and put her in the ground...”

Darn Tootin’!

ketchup

2005-02-23T19:08:00.000-08:00

holy smokes, what a great month this has been so far. i've been too busy having way too much fun.

first off, i went and saw a Roller Derby presented by LA Derby Dolls.

it was great! a lot of fun. sexy ladies at high speeds knocking each other down. i really didn’t understand the rules and they are still a little foggy, but still a lot of fun. all the girls have these great names like, Stabitha, Suzy Snake-Eyes, Anita Kill, Thora Zeen, Mollytov Cocktails, etc.

as we watched the chaos, my friend Blaine and i made up new names for future girls that join the league. names like: Jill Killya, Electric Cher, Helena HandBasket, Phyllis Killer, Holly Kost, Cross Ida, Death Roanne, Dr. Beverly Crusher (nerd alert)- you get the idea.

it was really awesome and i thank Barbara, Vera and Blaine for taking me.

but if that wasn’t awesome enough...then i attended Lucha Va Voom!

oh man, oh man! what a super superb show. one of my favorite things in the world is masked wrestlers or Luchadores. those high flying daredevils are awesome. and mix that with sultry vixens- yikes stripes, beachnut gum! Spinning eyeballs abound.

it was thrilling, funny, exciting, sexy, and had me jumping up and down with funderment (which is a new word meaning super swell monster sized fun times). thanks to Barbara for getting me a ticket to the event for my birthday.

oh yeah! did i mention it was also my birthday just recently?
yep, sunday the 13th was my 28th birthday. i guess i’m getting pretty old, but who cares, i feel great. and guess what? i got me my astronuat space pen.

but i didn’t get to rest for very long, cause then just 4 short days later, me and the boys from The Pretty Okay Ho-hum Spectacular on Ice! did a big time sketch show at The Comedy Central Stage.

it was a great show. the audience was filled with friends, family, fans, big wigs, and even Steve Guttenburg. i had a lot of fun and we and the boys made those people laugh. now that always makes me feel good. if you’d like see more pictures from the show click here.

big special thanks to Meredith Jenks for taking all those great photos.
and big thanks to everyone who made that show possible; Allison, Davey, Michael, Eric, Anthony, Lesley, James, Meg-hand, ZzalgernOn, Meredith, Maria, Andy, Paul, Neil, Ann, all the guys from Fireball Deluxe, all the people from The Comedy Central Stage, Everyone who came to the show and of course DeMorge, Pat, Danforth, and Josh- my comedy siblings.

but it’s not over yet, gang…the friday after that Danforth France and i found ourselves playing The Poubelle Twins.

we were at Bricktops. i was Bibi and Danforth was Fifi. thanks to the twins for asking us to do that for them- it was really a lot of fun to do.

at one point, Danforth and i were standing towards the back of the crowed club in our matching outfits, he turned to me and summed it all up with one phrase, “I love this town.”
if anything, these last few weeks have proved to me that yes, indeed- i love this town.

ALL these events and people who i have talked about are fantastic and well worth checking out and hopefully becoming friends with.

i love this town.

writing upside down

2005-01-29T13:17:00.000-08:00

i want to write upside down, sideways, at an angle, and ...upside down!!

oh boy, oh boy. this year for my birthday, i want an Offical NASA Astronaut Space Pen!

they have all sorts of kinds. they come in all the colors of the moon and even one that is just all the colors of the rainbow. one can get them with little space shuttles on them. if an astronuat has enlisted, then that person can get one with a military ensignia. and for the religious astronaut in the family, there are ones with little gold crosses or the classic "john 3:16" on them. but wait, say you know a golfer, bowler, or trained medical professional astronaut. well, then there are pens with a golfer, a bowling ball getting a strike, and even one with the ever so popular medical ensignia. but if you're like me, an old west gunslinging astronaut on the lame, then you just love the ornate florentine designed pen that will certianly match those six shooters you pulled off that sherif in new el paso on mars.

alls i know is that by the end of february, i want to be writing upside down!

what animals!

2005-01-26T20:40:00.001-08:00

holy shit!

i cannot believe what happen. tis morning i left to go to work and when i got to my car i noticed that the trunk was open. i thought to myself, you idiot, you must of forgot to close the trunk last night when you were looking around for that wig. (i do a comedy show every sunday) so like a fool, i quickly closed the trunk and looked arond to see if anyone noticed. i was actually embaressed.

i go to work and think nothing of it.

i get home tonight and think, you know i better just get those costume bags out of my trunk and take them inside. i park and go around to open the trunk. one problem. my key doesn't seem to be working. on closer inspection i realize that the key hole has been tampered with. in fact, it's all bent and messed up. i quickly open the trunk with the latch by the driver's side door and examine the contents of the trunk.

everything seems to be there, yet there is one thing missing. that's when it hit me, someone pryed open my trunk and stole one of my costume bags!
but of all the things to steal.

and now the contents of my trunk (please remeber i do a comedy show every week on sunday nights):

two garbage bags of clothing. still there.

my bag of golf clubs. still there.

a sledge hammer. still there.

an austrailian hat. still there.

a roll of newsprint. still there.

two sets of jumper cables. still there.

a leather coat that belongs to a friend of my. still there.

a bag of 12 wigs, 9 pairs of glasses, and two fake beards. still there.

a toy AK-47. still there.

one pair of dress shoes. still there.

and last, but least; the Goat from The Pretty Okay Ho-hum Spectacular on Ice!

although, the Goat's sharpe marker was missing!

what else was missing?

my other costume bag containing these items from last week's Spectacular:

my make-up that made me yellow.

my comb and hair product i used to slick down my hair.

my complete leatherbound version of "The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy Series" that i used as
my bible for the space wedding.

one fake mustache that josh didn't use.

my red jumpsuit.

but must destressing, the first CD i bought of Man ...or Astro-Man?. "Your Weight on the Moon"

i bought that CD at my first Man ..or Astro-Man? concert back in 1995. it was one of my favorites. i guess it nice to know that the last time i heard it was when it was being played as the pre-show music for our space themed comedy show.

what kills me though, is that that is all the crook or crooks decided to take. my golf clubs alone could probably bring a $80. that sledge hammer is pactically brand new. my friend's leather coat. a leather coat!

good grief- what passes as quility black market goods these days.

in the words of my good friend Danforth, after i told him of the break-in, "What Animals!"

i bet you did not know that

2005-01-25T21:25:00.000-08:00

when i was growing up in nebraska, my family and i would watch "The Tonight Show". and i would hope that i could be on TV and be as funny as Johnny Carson.

my parents would say, "You know Chad, Johnny Carson is from a small town in Nebraska." "just like me!", i would reply. "That's right. So you never know."

as i got older, i started to go through that "too cool for anything" teenager phase. yet secertly, alone in my bedroom, i would stay up and watch "The Tonight Show". i would laugh and i would still dream of being like Johnny Carson.

now you don't have to know me very well to know that Steve Martin is one of my biggest influences and one of my foremost favorite comedians. but before Steve, there was Johnny Carson. my first favorite comedian and the first person who made me believe that chad fogland could do more with his little life than just shovel cow shit or grow corn out in the middle of nowhere.

Johnny Carson

1925 - 2005

Thank You, Mr. Johnny Carson.

*chad takes a golf swing*

on the road again

2005-01-21T16:55:00.000-08:00

today i got my car back. it only took two weeks. the thing that made it tuff was the fact that i couldn't afford a rental. but man do my legs look great. but then again so does my car.

from this:

to this:

and yes, i did move to North Carolina. Nooooo! this isn't really a picture of MY car, but this is what it looks like now.

now, who wants to buy me gas?

Veruca

2005-01-17T14:48:00.000-08:00

i'd like to take this moment to introduce to my cat.

her name is ...i'm sorry, i am a bit embarrassed, but her name is Veruca. i call her "V" for short. she is a feisty little creature who i rescued from an abandonment well over a year ago. in all honesty it hasn't always been the greatest relationship between the two of us. fighting fleas, ear mites and nasty claws and teeth. but i'm happy to say she's healthy and my apartment, although a bit tore up, is flea free.

i will admit she can be a sweetie at times, but in the time it takes you to think, "what a nice feline", she spins her head and starts to chew on that which pets her so lovingly. yes, pens and other random small objects disappear from time to time never to return. and yes, her scratching post had been torn to ribbons. this girl keeps her claws as sharp as needles. she has managed to rip up posters that hang on the wall, knocked out a window, spilled everything from water to soup, and almost lite herself on fire. Veruca is a menace, pure and simple.

and even though my good sense pleas with me to get rid of her, i could never get rid of this kid. why? because of things like this:

an old box that had a few books sent form home arrived. i took out the books and then procrastinated to take the box out to the trash; thus, veruca made it her new bed. and i would like to say that i put her like that, but i did not. that is actually the way she sleeps at times.

now i'm not saying my cat is better than yours, or that my cat is sooo smart or sooo special. in fact quite the contrary. i think my cat is a just an average retard with an attitude problem, and i love her.

pulling a fast one on Lucifer

2005-01-12T12:30:00.000-08:00

now this doesn't happen everyday, but last night i got done doing a show and afterwards Satan came up to me. and looked me right in the eyes and said, "i own your soul!"

i replied with, "Ha! that's impossible. my soul is owned by a married woman who lives in Maine and she probably uses it to watch over her kids!"

...

you see, i meet a girl in college and i thought i was in love

...

but Ha! i outsmarted the devil. then i called my good friends Metallica and we're collaborating on hit song.

Return of the Spectacular on Ice!

2005-01-08T17:48:00.000-08:00

www.theprettyokayho-humspectacularonice.com

got any cats?

2005-01-08T00:03:00.000-08:00

it's friday night. and here i am sitting in my apartment eating chunky peanut butter with a spoon and drinking colt45.

i can't help but think to myself, "i wish i could find a mystical portal or transdimensional gateway to another land or time."

it might be prophesied in some tome somewhere that a stranger from another land shall come from the sky and save the kingdom from an evil horde that resides just outside the realm of the living. maybe i'm that guy.

who knows...

maybe i'm the guy who gets all the kids to start saying "got any cats?" when i influence Paul Fusco to pitch a new TV sitcom about a wisecracking alien when i'm magically transported to ancient 1986 los angeles, california.

who knows...

maybe i'm the guy who saves us all from "Troop Beverly Hills 2: the search for Phyllis Nefler's tiffany bracelet" by accidentaly speaking his mind during a board meeting at Weintraub Entertainment after being mistaken for the new head of the company when i stumble into the studio because i was following a studio truck that i thought contained the costumes to the first batman movie.

who knows...

that will be $100

2004-12-31T16:47:00.000-08:00

look what i got for christmas:

a closer look, perhaps?

so i'm driving home, back to nebraska, when i enter colorado via interstate 25. the weather is getting pretty bad. snowing, windy, the roads are icing over. i start to go into the mountains; thus, i slow down to a steady speed of 35 mph. i'm actually trying to be cautious. just then there is a gust of wind and snow blows up, i lose visibility for a brief moment and then just as the snow clears i see the tail lights of a truck in front of me. i quickly decide to pull around it, but unbeknownst to me, the road has curved and there infront of me is a guardrail. i try to swear, but skid into it. i try and pull out of the skid, but swing the back end of the car into guardrail. so, i try and pull out of this new spin, which only reverses it, spinning me 360 degrees the opposite direction and off the other side of the road into a ditch filled with 3 feet of snow.

this was the first time i ever had to call 911.

as i sat in my car for the next 45 minutes, waiting for the colorado state patrol to find me, i was surprised to have 8 people stop and offer assistance. who says everyone is out for themselves?

finally, the colorado state patrol gets there. he calls for a wrecker to tow me out. but then before he leaves me there, out in the middle of no where, amongst the rocky mountains, he writes me a speeding ticket, because apparently, it's a colorado state law when it snows that the new interstate speed limit is 30 mph, not 65 mph as posted just ten feet away from my snow covered car.

so, the patrolman leaves and i wait again for another 30 minutes, alone. and what do you know, another 3 people stop to help me. thank you, you strangers you.

the tow truck man appears. he pulls me out, and says, "you see this stuff (pointing all around), that's what we call snow. don't get much of that in california, huh? (laughing) just kidding, man. that will be $100. (puts out hand)"

well, just 2 and half hours later, i'm back on the road. and of course, just 10 miles down the road, the weather clears and for the next 10 hours, it's blue skies all the way back to worms.

i'm not driving anywhere for new years.

merry christmas, EAT BEEF!

2004-12-25T15:31:00.000-08:00

friendly chad fogland here, wishing you and your's a very happy, merry christmas time!

i'm back in nebraska after a long drive from california and a slight mishap in colorado. no worries though, just a bit of a spin out on icey roads after a running into a guardrail. nothing hurt but my pride. well, that and a crunched car. jesssh! (more to come about all that)

but i know i'm back in nebraska everytime i hear an advertisment for a church on one of the three radio stations. or as i entered my grandmother's home, a novelity halloween cat meows and then sings "somebody's watching me". and then of course, right before my hometown exit, out in a vast cornfield i see a holiday message of hope and peace. made out of green and red lights, that glow like the northern lights themselves.
it read:
Merry Christmas, EAT BEEF!

anyway, i'll be back in LA on Wednesday to do a show at the Improv. if any of you are back, i suggest checking it out.

but not to be totally a shameless promotion whore; thus seriously, chad fogland wishes you all a very happy holiday and a very merry christmas, ...EAT BEEF!

foglandly yours,
friendly chad fogland

for andy

2004-12-18T17:28:00.000-08:00

one of my new life missions is to capture and bring to justice those responsible for the horrible murder of Andy the Footless Goose.

he was the first and only ever Mayor of The Heritage Zoo in Grand Island, Nebraska.

i voted for him and meet the bird once. he was one of my childhood heroes. no lie! he was on Johnny Carson and was one of the most popular fowls around. unfortunately, he was brutally murder one day in 1991. his body was found missing it's head and wings, yet his trademark Chuck Taylors were still on. his murder was never solved and the sick mind that did this still runs free.

well, i say it's time to open this cold case file and punish the ones committed this monstrous act!

during my free time, i will not rest in doing what i can to solve this crime and bring light to this cherished creature of my life.

rest well, my friend. your troubled soul shall not walk the earth as a footless ghost for long.

if you have any information; please email me. howlingmad@xrayfogland.com

no more stamps?!

2004-12-18T14:51:00.000-08:00

so apparently the Subway fast food place is discontinuing thier "stamp" program because "the stamp program is fraudulence", said Christina Rowland, manager of the Food Court Subway. "many stamps are stolen or copied, while others are sold and bought over eBay. it's estimated that 25 percent of stamp cards are fraudulent," Rowland said.

which sucks, because now what am i supposed to do with this Old Timey Subway Counterfeit Stamp Printing Press i just bought over ebay?

"great seller" my ass!

like angels ought to smell

2004-12-16T17:21:00.000-08:00

am so excited for this movie.

ye ole graffiti

2004-12-06T01:36:00.000-08:00

i live in a neighborhood where there is a lot of graffiti. much of which is, as i'm told, gang related.

thing is, i don't understand it. not because i am not hip to it's jive, but because it's incredible illegible or horribly mis-spelled.

now i know that i am no master wordsmith and admittedly a very bad speller, but it seems to me that these spray painted markings are supposed to be very important and hold a great deal of significance. i mean, if one is so passionate to "tag" a billboard, side of a building, or the hood of my car; it would seem that they would want these messages to be able to be read and understood. it's not like they are going to be around when people find them to explain it to them. for instance, what does "6L C7+iLL T68" suppose to mean? that phrase could never even be on a license plate and make sense.

if i had the money, i would round up all these spray can longfellows and put them in a class where they could learn the fundamentals of proper grammar. you know, like 3rd grade. and then , just for my own amusement, i would make them take a class on calligraphy. man, would graffiti be cool then. imagine seeing "Cock Sucker" or "For Ye Good Time, Dial Jenny" or "Thy Hood Belongs To Thy Gang Ava El Centro" in that classic style.

one might overhear, "damn these urban calligraphers, Uhaul trucks don't grow on trees, you know!"

it's just; if you're going to leave your mark, make it comprehensible for crying out loud.

on that note, i will say that i could never be a graffiti entrepreneur. spray cans don't have spell checker.

the $100 answer

2004-12-04T20:47:00.000-08:00

Mike Nickel... is that you?

start a wave

2004-12-01T20:15:00.000-08:00

writing new jokes. wrting new jokes. writing new jokes.

...ummm. huh.

writing new jokes. writing new jokes. writing ...jokes ...ahhh ...new jokes?

....

poop.

next time i do comedy, somebody come down and yell De-Fence. De-Fence. De-Fence.

merry 24 days til christmas.

for sammy

2004-11-28T13:30:00.000-08:00

gobble, gobble

2004-11-23T01:51:00.000-08:00

Merry, Merry Thanksgiving everyone.

from all the ...

Pilgrims,

Indians,

Construction Workers,

and Happy Happy, Gay Gay Faeries!

t-shirt logic

2004-11-20T19:09:00.000-08:00

not to get serious on all three of you. but ...

i really like living and the whole life thing in general. i love it when things are going great and i actually do have apart of me that is happy when things are going bad.

lately it's been pretty fucking bad.

i know that i will learn from all this and blah, blah, blah.

sometimes, i think life is making me bitter.

*don't worry Spectacular. this has nothing to do with you boys or what we're up to. this shitty shit has been a bit more personal in base. in fact, the Pretty Okay Ho-hum Spectacular on Ice! is the best thing in my life now, for reals.

sigh

2004-11-15T22:56:00.000-08:00

NNNooooooooooooo!!!

as lame as this is, my playstation2 just died. no more escape from my real life. no more delving into the alternative lives of skateboarders, gang-bangers, alien life forms, or zombie hunters.

oh woah is me. i can't even watch DVDs anymore.

*sigh*

i guess i'll just watch "The Real McCoy" on telemundo. starring val kilmer and kim basinger.

if a woman

2004-11-11T23:55:00.000-08:00

if you were ever curious what dear old chad fogland would look like if he were a woman, then ponder no more.

here it is:

and then there's me with my aunt flo.

hey- these are the things you're missing if you're not attending The Pretty Okay Ho-hum Spectacular on Ice! last week it was ladies' night!

Spectacular on Ice! is every sunday and it's different everytime. every week is a NEW show with NEW things to see.

i do it with these yahoos:

Danforth France, me, Josh Fadem, and Pat Healy.

you gots to check it out! it's FREE!

it burns

2004-11-11T16:07:00.000-08:00

sure, sure.

it sucks the day when a girlfriend or boyfriend tells you, "let's be friends"

it also sucks the day when you realize a best friend has become nothing more than "an acquaintance."

but worse of all, it sucks when a delicious peice of chocolate cake becomes "an iron left on over night."

sleepwalking can be real bitch!

Neener, Neener

2004-11-06T18:28:00.000-08:00

i'm famous for being bad. it's a fact.

check this out:
http://www.artisticterrorism.com/prince.htm

i think this prince fellow makes a valid point, i should spend more time fixing my site and getting up to code. just been busy lately. sorry about that.

but also, i think princey doesn't really get it. perhaps a little over his head? and also, a good review probably, wouldn't attack the person by asking where this guy gets his friends.

in other words, Neener, Neener, Big Fat Wiener! Fart on You, JerkFace!!

woof

2004-10-29T18:03:00.000-07:00

at the moment, i work in office with many english people. the company is based out of england, that's why.

now i am like a lot of you in that i find an english accent rather attractive in the opposite sex. today, an attractive women (yes, with an english accent) couldn't get the printer working; thus, she gave it a little wack and it began to work once again. at which point she proclaimed, "no harm ever came from a little spank."

it was probably the sexist thing i had heard in a long while. and i really don't know why. it didn't bring any imagines to mind. get your minds out of the gutter, peoples. it just knocked me back as being quite sexy. at which point i proclaimed under my breathe, "woof!"

man, i think this blog just got a whole lot creepier.

that epiphany period?

2004-10-28T14:40:00.000-07:00

okay. i dunno.

sometimes i think about savannah, georgia. i went to college there. for the most part i didn't really like it there. the humid, pretty little south. always spring. everyone taking their sweet ass time to do this and that. don't get me wrong, it's a really beautiful place with relatively nice people. i just don't fit in there.

and yet, when i think to a time when i was really happy, i think to a moment that spanned a year's time and that moment took place in savannah. the smells of old canvas and dried paint everywhere you went. all your friends living in converted hotel rooms with bunkbeds and drafting tables. every friday and saturday night was a party in the backyard of somebody's house you didn't know. i would often walk to class through an alley with two generators that always turned on when i passed by. the girls who lived above me would often get drunk and invited me up to watch tv with them. there was even a hurricane. i collected action figures and would spend a good chunk of my student loan to get HBO just long enough to watch the new season of Mr. Show. it was a time when i was actually in love.

as much as i might of complained in those days, i really had it good. it was a different time when i was really discovering all about myself and realizing that i had shelved a lot of dreams that really made me whole. it was the time when the passion broke out and i stopped being so damned recuesive and started to just be myself. these were the moments leading up to my first time on stage doing stand-up comedy.

and it isn't the time in my life when i felt i had everything. it was the time of my life after i thought i had it all and just before i lost all that and found the real road that would take me to what i really needed to have it all. what would you call that? that epiphany period?

at any rate, i guess i miss it sometimes. savannah, georgia. and i thought i never would.

cast your vote

2004-10-22T15:05:00.000-07:00

for far too long tyrant Gess Haarvester has dictated the hopes and dreams of the good people at the Ramada World Council into a downward spiral to HELL.

his evil ways must END!

his bumbling through office like a wounded elephant has caused more trouble than laughs.

isn't time for a change? isn't it time to make the Wright choice?

this Sunday, cast your vote for Whitmore Oliver White. a man who knows where he stands and whose intentions are nothing but good and driven by the pursuit of Freedom.

paid for by The Committee for the Election of Whitmore Oliver Wright.

>click here to find out how to cast your vote<

it's just simple math

2004-10-19T16:31:00.000-07:00

i’ve never been punched to death. nor have i ever been to the Netherlands.
leading me to believe that the Netherlands is the most violent place on the face of the earth.

it’s just simple math.

amen.